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This Post is not for the weak of stomach

I’ll tell you right off the bat, before you read any further, this is an account of me vomiting.  The rest is a surprise, so consider yourself forewarned.

This morning I awoke with a headache.  I had not slept well last night, for various reasons, not the least of which was my flailing little boy.  He was completely asleep, but also slapping me, sitting up, and trying to stand up in my bed.  Anyway…

The Girl was in a weird mood.  She had gone to bed last night late, over-tired and drunk on Hallowe’en and overstimulation.  She had Preschool, and she stalwartly claimed that she did not want to go.  In other words, she stomped and snarled, and would not get dressed.  Not feeling well myself, and knowing that once she was there she would have a better time than staying home with me, I said that she could go clothed or naked, but that she was going.  She grudgingly allowed me to dress her, as it was cold this morning, and going naked would be mighty chilly.  She became much more agreeable when I said that she could wear her new snow coat.  Thank heavens for small miracles.

I was feeling progressively worse, but I needed to get groceries for the week while the Girl was in Preschool, so I decided to power through.  This was my first, but not my last, mistake.  Drop-off was relatively painless.  I had her outside stuff off and her indoor stuff on when I saw the note on the door saying that the class was out back in the outdoor play area.  So, I had to get her indoor stuff off, and her outside stuff on and take her out back to join her class.  I then had to go BACK inside to drop off this month’s payment.

Then I drove Mr. Goldragon to work.  Then on to the grocery store!

By then I was feeling truly naseous, and while the Boy was being very well behaved, there was another little boy who would not stop crying, and they seemed to be following us around the store.  Between that, and me gritting my teeth trying to will myself not to vomit, I think there are huge varients in what I bought and what we needed.  As I was walking out of the doors, I silently patted myself on the back for not having vomited in the grocery store.  This was my second mistake.  Embarrassment asside, I should have barfed there.

I loaded up my car, buckled in the Boy and we were on our way.  I drove the drive that only the truly crummy feeling can drive.  I splashed a woman who was walking on the sidewalk next to a puddle.  Normally I would slow down, but at that momment, I just didn’t care.  I kept an eye on the side of the road, in case I needed to pull over.  But I didn’t really believe that I was going to vomit.  Not yet.

The moment came when I was driving over a four lane bridge, in the middle lane, with too many cars to pull over, and no space on the side in which to pull over even if I could.  I swallowed it back the first couple of times, thinking that if I could just make it to the other side, I could pull over and finish it on the side of the road.  No such luck.  The vomit went all down my front, and pooled in my crotch.

In shock, unbelieving of what had transpired, unwilling to even look down at the extent of it, I just kept driving.  I drove for fifteen minutes with my own vomit in my lap, until I reached home.

And if that wasn’t enough to prevent me from posting today, on my first NaBloPoMo post, well, it just speaks well for the rest of the month.  Just as long as I don’t continue to feel like I do right now, the rest of the month should be a breeze.


4 responses to “This Post is not for the weak of stomach

  1. IfByYes

    I ALMOST did that once, while pregnant. I’m so glad that I didn’t actually.

    But then there was the incident when I explosively vomited partially digested Nanaimo bar all over the sidewalk at a bus stop and, because there was nothing around to clean it up with, I had to stand around my chocolate vomit puddle for ten minutes waiting for the bus while EVERYONE around me studiously ignored the entire thing.

  2. Pingback: The one in which I link to every other post I have ever made « The Domesticated Nerd Girl

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